Homey on the Range

So the truth is that I'm not the brightest crayon in the box. I'm not saying that I'm an airhead, but...I certainly have my less-than-brilliant moments. You won't argue this fact when I tell you that sometimes I "start" my idling car; that I frequently try to turn off my idling car while it is still in gear, or that one time I was freaking out that the car was losing power when I was flooring the pedal, until I realized that my foot was on the brake, not the accelarator. Mmhmmm. I've really done all of the above.

So, having said this, I don't think there's any argument that a person with my brain power should take all the advice I can get. And I've been thinking the last few weeks about one of the best pieces of advice I've ever received. As is the case with most pieces of advice, I don't think I quite recognized it as the gem that it is when I first was given it. However, with time and application I have found it to be priceless. And as is the case with most pieces of advice, it is one of those simple ideas that when you first hear, you think "duh!", but as time goes on you realize that there are hidden facets to this gem of wisdom.

So now for the "duh" moment...

The piece of advice is simply this: DO NOT BE EASILY OFFENDED.

When you really think about it, this is such good advice for maintaining strong, healthy relationships of any kind. It can be applied lavishly with no ill effects (no diarrhea, nausea, headache, sore throat, etc.). WHEN I have chosen to apply this piece of advice, I have found it to result only in good.

For instance, I could become offended when my boyfriend says that I need to lift weights to tone my arms a bit. But what good will it do me? I'll end up mad or sulky, giving him the silent treatment. He'll end up trying to smooth things over, filling the awkward silence with things neither of us really care about at the moment and then he'll give up and go home, displeased with my unresponsiveness. And I'll go crawl into bed, disappointed because we didn't have much time together and cry myself to sleep. How could this scenario look different if I choose to apply the advice to not be easily offended? I could suggest a trip to the gym WITH my boyfriend and we could spend more time together. Instead of having an abbreviated and unpleasant evening with him, we would have more time with one another doing something productive. GOOD.

I could get offended when my co-worker critiques one of my design projects with another co-worker. But what good will it do me? I'll reject the suggestions and perhaps add a sub-par design to my portfolio. I'll avoid talking to them for the rest of the day or week and risk offending them when they notice my shortness with them and don't know why I'm being so rude. The office atmosphere will become tense as we sit a few feet from one another ignoring each other's presence. OR I could NOT get offended and perhaps make a customer happier with an improved design. At the very least, by not getting offended, I could keep the atmosphere relaxed for the 5 people sharing our small office space. GOOD.

I could get offended when someone doesn't acknowledge my presence in the food line as I wait for them to hand me a plate, but what good will it do me? Obviously they don't care if they offend me, so showing them that it got under my skin will not matter at all to them. And if they're really doing it on purpose, then they may exult in a secret feeling of triumph that their rudeness was noticed by me and is bothering me. Or, on the other hand, it COULD have been an accident and they could just have been too busy to notice my empty, outstretched hand. My reacting angrily would just either make them feel bad for an accident or make them angry that I can't be patient as they wait on others. If I choose not to be easily offended, I could thank them politely and tell them they are doing a good job as they try to serve many hungry people. A couple words of encouragement could turn their day around and I would have the pleasure of knowing that if they ignored me on purpose, they can see it didn't have its intended effect, and if they ignored me on accident, then I didn't react wrongly by jumping to conclusions. Additionally, if I decide to go back for seconds, then I won't have to hang my head, trying to avoid the icy glare behind the potato salad and I won't have to worry about them poisoning the food when they see me coming back. :) GOOD.

These are just a few examples, but, as I see it, there's great potential for great loss in choosing to ignore the advice to not be easily offended. At least you can lose nothing by choosing to live by it...and there is actually great potential for great gain by doing so. I'm passing along this little nugget of advice, because I think it's worth it. I can't take credit for it, since it was given to me by a much wiser person. My advice is simply to take the advice. Duh!